Shit Happens...

I belong to a creed, an infamous group of young ignited minds,christened X1 C,an inevitable part of the most prestigious of temples of knowledge...The Loyola School.This academic year, we walked in through that door into our classroom...The abode of talents , troubles and indeed ! those inevitable moments of terror.I fancy who walked in through that door first, could have been the jerk who sleeps all the time, or the nerd or the bookworm...but anyway he was dumb!.So dumb that he entered the room placing his left foot inside,before the right one[a million year old superstition].Yeah, you may say that i am superstitious.You cant blame me....coz the wretched and weird sort of experiences we had this year had made me a hell lot superstitious.

                                                                                                                                            X1th is when we start going for the ubiquitous Cultural competitions.In this field too[like in any other] we are the leaders...with our very own unparalleled paramount Cultural extravaganza, THE  LAFEST, leading the way. As always, the Lafest was a huge success, thanks to our seniors'[ and ours 2oo] organization skills. Then came SanRevo, which went well too, though it lacked the magic touch of Lafest.We emerged winners[no surprises there].But alas, it was just THE CALM BE4 THE STORM....

                                                                                                 Enter Colosseum....no..no...not the one in Rome..This is just the most pissed cultural fest of em all...But for us, Its practice tym...everyone is workin tediously...practicing...yeah, all of us were practicing damn hard...coz we wanted 2 win..and winners we wer, Perfectionists...BUT Colosseum became Thepposeum[Thep=destruction] for us......[Thepposeum adventures would be published soon as a sequel to this post].At the end of the day, we ,a humiliated bunch,walked out..[denied what we deserved, demoralized ...but determined to take revenge].It is better to keep mum about the incidents which took place afterwards.Retaliation was our only craving... but we didn't want to waste our time on uncultural fests...We decided to move on....optimistic....But fate had something else for us....It was just the beginning...

                                                                           Enter Chris Gala...The spark in us was fading away.But we did work had...yet we werent still mentally fit after thepposeum's side effects.Nevertheless, we were determined to win.Yet on the D-day we couldnt produce our best...it just happened so...[no possible explanations could be given]...yeah shit happens.Exit Cris gala

                                                                                              Enter Nymph Fiesta...Like a phoenix from the ashes, we rose up.Energetic and creative as ever.We had forgotten the past...Our hearts craving for victory which we were certain to achieve.United were we.Everything was perfect...but Shit happens....this time it was nothin more than an emotional outburst from our most beloved and respected teacher[thanks to our wondrous behaviour in class!]...Everything turned around when Fr.Principal announced that we X1 C were banned from going...Life couldnt have been more bitter...All the others could go...but without us they were never going to win...The principal was in no mood for reconsideration...The judgement was pronounced....Against us...as always!

           Second term arrived...Lyf was becoming better....we were recovering....Lyf was so much better without CULTURAL FESTS...Onam had come and gone filling us with positive energy...The spark was gradually brightening...We were ready for the rumble...but nothin was there to rumble upon.We expressed our grudge in assemblies...We broke the rules wherever we saw them...If shit is fucking us....then fuck the shit...YO!....We had nothin 2 loose and we were on rampage...enjoyin ourselves....foreseeing the brighter times that lay ahead...The greatest attraction of the second term was Excursions.Talks were everywhere...where would we go?? how would we go?? when will we go??..Just the thought of excursion brought infinte amount of pleasure to our hearts.Atlast we settled on VEEGALAND...a day at the amusement park would be gr8!! Recreation, relaxation....Reminiscences of the yesteryear's excursion brought joy to us...Atlast something was going right for us.....Freedom was calling us....
                                                                      ENTER H1N1 alias SWINE FLU...When everything is set. The next super villain enters.Swine flu-the whole of India is under threat...especially WATER THEME PARKS...Destruction of dreams....Excursion to Veegaland cancelled.But yet...a silver lining was there...we culd go somewhere else...Somewhere other than Amusement parks...Yeah..cut the amusement!....So we rack our brains and at last come up with Kodaikanal...Swine flu wont catch us there.....Everything was set...We were goin to Kodaikanal...yeah some cooooooool days...Days went by..and it was D day.....We were all packed and ready 2 go...just 8 more drowsy periods at school...Thats when the super villains United and striked-----COLLECTOR and H1N1 alias SWINE FLU..A damn circular was passed by the collector, it said:Students shouldnt go for excursion to affected areas But who the damn knew that kodaikanal was affected..We were fucked up and everything was AL WRONG...F the Collector, F swine flu,F the goddamn mastermind parent behind all this.Why do this to us??? we had had enough already...BUT SHIT HAPPENS....We had nobody with us...Excursion wasn't something to risk the life on ,commented the Principal, so did Vice and CBSE Vice....DAMN em all...FUCK the SYSTEM....who would have expected that our alley, the collector [who had gifted us with a holiday just the day before] would turn against us????
In the end.....its all fucked up.....
We cant explain all the shit that happens...so, just let the shit happen...Let shit rain on us...let shit pour on us...It is inevitable.??? So was it for this that all this shit was for??? yeah it was...sorry but......................  SHIT HAPPENS...................


P.S:1.Acknowledgement of title to my best friend Sethu...thank you dude for giving me inspiration for this shit!
      2.Sorry thepposseum creators...no offence meant...It would be appreciable if you could make "Thepposseum" Colosseum nxt time around.
     3.This is shiT

     4.More shit would come soon....yeah SHIT HAPPENS!!!!!!!                                                                    

                                                                                                      

GET A KNIFE!!!!!

Creativity has been appreciated since the creation of universe.Humans are undoubtedly the most creative beings on earth...We have shown it in all fields...Technology, Art, Science, Society....u name it....But here is another form...Beware...for this can simply change all the notions described above...coz u would find this really hard to appreciate...and if you find a knife in your hand by the time you reach the end, plz dont scream[at me, of course!]!!!!!!!!...So here are some fetid fantasies for you to fight with.....

>>>>>>

NO>>1

There was a guy called Mark[[[[he is history now,you'll soon find out all about it]]]]].While treading through desolate roads,while trying to understand the meaning of life,Mark stumbled upon a PASSAGE...an eerie one...He entered it.

With a loud thud the huge iron door of the passage closed automatically. Mark was bewildered.He cried out...SMS SMS [[[[1st sms = save my soul...the second was send from his mobile to his friend asking to get him out of the passage..]]]] Soon, the friend arrived with the fire force...They used a crane and broke the roof of the passage and then pulled Mark out...But grievously the crane brought only half of Mark...[[[[yes...the inevitable happened..]]]] You would be gaping your mouth wide open to know the reason....but Sorry...Rattle your brains and find out...you Cant??? 

>>>ANSWER>>>

YOU LOSE HALF THE MARK FOR LIFTING FROM THE PASSAGE

NO>>2

There was a guy called Mark[[[[ well its not the same Mark...this is another one...the old Mark is resting peacefully, somewhere beneath the earth with a stone above him with the scribbling R.I.P]]]] . This Mark wanted to get selected to the Army...but he had the weakest of frames [[[[the chassis of a rusty cycle was better than his body]]]]...He wrote the written test and passed...But he was sure to fail for the medical test...coz he was under-weight[[[[years of malnutrition had reduced it to just 3.1 stone]]]]....Just before the examination of body weights, Mark was struck with an idea...He took his pen drive and placed it on his head...

Know what...he passed the medicals.......HOW????????? 

>>>ANSWER>>>

COZ A PEN DRIVE IS A MASS STORAGE DEVICE[[[[doubt it...?? insert a usb in to ur PC and then click on safely remove hardware...VOILA...i am ryt..ryt???]]]]

NO>>3

There was this murderer named Mark[[[[This is not the Mark who got suspended from the army{yep! he eventually did earn it} or the other one who hasn't resurrected yet..This is yet another Mark...]....He used to kill people for fun.Mysteriously...all the corpses of the people he murdered would float in  air....Have you got any idea HOW??

>>>ANSWER>>>

COZ MARK WAS A MASS[pun intended] MURDERER

NO>>4

There was this tennis player called MARK[[[[im sorry that all these guys are Marks...]]]]...Once he saw a Saint.He was chanting "OME OME"...An inquisitive mark asked him why he was chanting this divine and dignified lexeme.The saint replied that he was hungry and he was reciting it so as to forget his hunger...Mark was struck with an idea[Now this Mark wasnt bright as our Mass storage Mark!!! but yet he had ideas]. He led the saint to a tennis court.He made the saint sit on one side while he served from the other.All his shots accurately collided with net...Rather interestingly,after some time the saint had a filled tummy....INQUIZZITIVE WANNA KNOW HOW??

>>>ANSWER>>>

A SERVE ONTO THE NET IS CALLED "LET". AS THE SAINT WAS ALREADY HAVING THE "OME"S HE HAD NO DIFFICULTY IN ACQUIRING THE "LET"S TO MAKE "OMELET"S WHICH HE WHOLE HEARTEDLY CONSUMED...

NO>>5

There was a big pig and a small pig[dont worry,the pig's name is not mark]...Once the small pig got a cut in his hand...Blood began oozing out.A concerned BIG PIG exclaimed.."eat it small pig...its edible!!' ...The small pig couldnt make anything out of the fatuity...Then why did the BIG PIG utter such stupidity[it rhymes..wow..]??

>>ANSWER>>

 A SMALL PIG IS CALLED A PIGLET...LIKEWISE WE CAN CALL A SMALL CUT "CUTLET"...AND THE LAST TIME I HEARD CUTLETS WERE STILL EDIBLE[unless, of course if it is from INDIAN COFFEE HOUSE]

I know that only a few of you would have made it till here...anyway i am pleased...and you may be hoodwinked...but dont say that i didnt warn you 

P.S:

>>1>>If you have indeed got a knife in your hand now,you better place it back in the kitchen before mom finds out...

>>2>>If you are not intending to leave it...dont blame me for it..

>>3>>The author is not responsible for any suicidal temptations of the reader formed due to this seemingly excruciating blasphemy

>>4>>This CREATION is copyrighted[well...not really] and anyone copycats would be punished...{BEWARE...the author is rather famous for his cacophonous compositions of curses]...

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ThE AtRoCiOuS VoYaGe

Time:4:45 am.
The boorish black vehicle is all ready to launch. This three wheeler, christened "auto rickshaw" [pun intended]  is only "auto"when it comes to uninvited halts at regular intervals[ everything else is manual].
For those who dont know what an "auto" rickshaw is...here are some aids which will help you identify one::
1>Its anatomy is similar to that of a mouse, thanks to the designers of the wonderful creation
2>It has a lever on one side of the driver/rider's side which is tediously pulled each time to get the "auto"mobile to start[ i told u that everything is manual]
3>It would have crude interiors usually with the some great quotes [like "maximum three passengers only"] scribbled on it....................................now let me get back to business
The half sleeping driver, rider or pilot[i am really unsure what to call him, for a driver drives 4 wheelers and a rider rides 2 wheelers.,.,so what the hell do u call the guy "who drives/rides/ god knows what " 3 wheelers??] and a lean, pale and extremely drowsy figure are the only occupants of the embryonic interior of the "auto" rickshaw.Though i have no idea on how to baptize the former[as i already mentioned above],lets call the lanky dude "Bridge"...now about Bridge
>>He is always drowsy,although added drowsiness can be witnessed during such unholy hours like the current one.
>>He has this crush over a girl who remarked that he was more handsome than somebody else[obviously, she has wasn't wearing her glasses]
>>He is so philosophical at times that he might be the only one awake in the vicinity.
>>He happens to be the hero's best friend [the hero...Guess who.. :P ]
So lets leave Bridge alone for now as he has already fallen asleep...
So, the auto rickshaw rolls on, well literally, through empty streets with no glimpse of light other than the occasional streets lights...


Time 4:50 am
Not even a single nocturnal being is in sight leave alone the diurnal ones..Suddenly out of the blue[or rather black] a human hand pop out with the intention of signalling the sluggish vehicle to stop.The auto rickshaw does stop[manually, indeed] thanks to the driver/ruder/whatever who just woke up from his dream.Soon the owner of the hand...a cute,charming fella...boards the vehicle only to find his fellow classmate[our Mr.Bridge] fast asleep at one end of the microscopic couch for passengers.Soon he..[[lets call this adorable young man ''Seed'']]...engages himself in stirring up Bridge.Needless to say, all his efforts are in vain until he cries out loud...."Bridge...did you do the homework??". Thankfully Bridge recognizes the NEW word.Thinking of increasing his vocabulary,he opens his oculus and lends one ear to Seed.Seed explains to him all the details about the homework and a wonder struck Bridge just chants"interesting...very interesting" in reply...and goes back to sleep.Now, Seed is again in the absence of company as always.....coz
>>>He is the only one who regularly does his homework and scores 100% for every exam
>>>He is extraordinarily good in Math..thanks to some rare psychic problem usually non existent in similar prototypes
>>>He is the only one who raises his hand when some barbaric question like " what is cos alpha +sin beta - tan delta + cot blah blah...'' is asked.
>>>He is never concerned about any activity other than mugging up everything once he reaches the destination....
>>>Yet...he is a good kid who loves his friends and help them out with anything concerning studies
>>>He is the one sure fire faourite from the class to make such places which provide abounding knowledge usually having double I's or T's or other alphabets in their ubiquitous names
...
Time 4:55 am.
The auto rickshaw is still dynamic though the world around it is in rest.Seed is the only one who is awake in a radius of 10 kilometers other than the driver/rider/whatever who is drifting through a condition between sleeping and riding called "rydsleeping"[This term is copyrighted and copying of the term is strictly prohibited]...But proving all the calculations wrong[about the radius n other stuff]...a lone figure becomes visible in the avenue..His figure is characterized by porcupine like hair,rodent-like incisors and bony limbs...His limbs are too thin that you can almost pass by without seein em makin u feel that he is an eerie ghost wrapped in school uniform with no hands...He[[,letz call this guy Moz]]pops into the auto and with immediate effect....coz our Mr.Bridge knows only too well what would happen to him once he continues snoring coz....
>>>Moz is the most nettlesome guy in the whole world
>>>His nature is completely different from his frame and is at a ratio of frame raise to say 1111111111110000000000000000000000000000000square or something like that
>>>his favourite job is braggin & bluffin about bizzare and berserk stuff so as  to drive the life out of 47 nut cases[make that 46..i would like tro remain an exception] called classmates who honestly never deserve that much....Lets leave Moz to carry on with his good work for now but please do keep an eye out...coz Seed and Bridge are already thinkin about jumpin out of the lethargic automobile driven by a comatose driver/rider/whatever...


Time:5 00am
The vehicle [have you fallen asleep already...4got the vehicle well... scroll up...remember...??? the vehicle is an auto rickshaw] vrooms and shrooms and looms and move on at a nerve breaking speed of well...10 miles per YEAR...[[the nerve breaking phenomenon is out of frustration and desperation...plz forgive me for this exaggeration...]].Now it is almost time for our hero[ obviously myself ]to step in and save these poor souls from Mr.Moz the braggart...So let me make the entrance a little dramatic...The "auto" rickhaw's inert tapers called headlamps go dim and dim...[[maybe due to the enigmatic prescence of our hero in the vicinity or maybe due to the unconcsious glissade of the rydsleepin driver/rider/whatever's hand  onto the "auto"rickshaw's manual control systems]]...
A dormant street light suddenly pops to life making a cave visible in the by road...but soon our guys make out that it is no cave but the architecture marvel called SUB WAY....which is the cause of all the traffic jams in the city...Then there weary eyes spot one more thing...a glowing halo and the chassis of a human..."AN ANGEL" cries Bridge [BUT...honestly he was just waking up from his nightmare and the formerly explained figure of the "HERO" had nothing to do with it...]...Seed is ever so happy to find his mate,our hero,step into the limelight...A back ground music begins abruptly[[Bridge's snoring]] as the hero steps in to the halted auto rickshaw...The driver/rider/whatever curses the lever he has to pull to launch the machine again...
The hero's entrance has made a variety of changes inside the auto rickshaw...The frst noticeable one is that Bridge is no longer sleeping coz he find like company at last...and the MOZ drifts off to sleep so as to replace Bridge...and the auto rickshaw becomes a domicile...and is filled with positive energy...
Without wasting a second the hero opens his mouth and a romantic melody start to emit out of it. Bridge tries to find out his sweetheart but he can only see unopened stalls and desserted roads...so he concludes that they are his lovers...
Seed ,a good singer, tries to make out the genre of the song but all he can do is conclude that it a hiphop/metal/pop/rap/desi collaboration...Soon, Bridge also joins our hero...coz he assumes that doing something is better than nothing...
The auto rickshaw charges toward it destination at a speed no less than 10 miles per HOUR [the driver/rider/whatever had woken up due to the unpleasant chords of noise arising from his passengers area and had decided that he would better get these guys off his haven as quick as possible and this has resulted in the sudden burst of speed....still dont get it...well the speed is 10 miles per hour now...not per year]...
Time: 5 15
The auto rickshaw does the impossible at last by making the destination. The four guys...consisting of two bards... a poor soul who provided audience and a lucky dude who had  escaped the Non stop chart busters.....get themselves out of Hades ferried by Charon...They pay the inevitable coin to Charon...[i meant paying the fare to the auto rickshaw driver/rider/whatever]
Now to hell.....well to tuitions[to be more exact]
The destination is easily identifiable....for hell is the only place with bulbs on at this particular moment.....To Hell, then..............
The voyage winds up...........
Bloody HELL!!!
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